Thoughts and Inspirations through the Journey! :)

“I am a child of God but tonight I am a struggling addict.

I want to fight but I don’t want to fight anymore.”

I decided to crack open a journal I had written between the end of January and the beginning of June throughout 2012.  This journal is a telling flood of emotions; ‘good’ days, ‘bad’ days, and the struggles painted in lyrics and doodles in a consistent day-to-day basis.

There is something to be said about being honest with what’s going on inside the mind…but as I poured myself out, only on this one occasion did I bear myself entirely.  I gave the struggle a name, and in turn I became the godless monster, living in a nightmare without control, yet fully capable of choice.

Yet this one page doesn’t even belong to the journal itself; it’s written on loose-leaf and stuck between two February pages, in which I can only assume was the timeframe in which it was written.  It’s about that time of year again, and the words penned in ink then still hold their weight now.

My fight between the balance of addiction recovery and integrity had only just begun.  Again.  Seasons came and went and have come back around.  So I struggle, but I do not give up.  The prayers that came from such a desperate heart are humbling.

Faith tells me that Christ is my strength made perfect in weakness.