Thoughts and Inspirations through the Journey! :)

I try, and I try.  I don’t give up.  I won’t.  I think of the saying of Nietzsche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”  It’s been a long time since I’ve known peace.  Those closest to me understand at least that much.  Sometimes not even an encouraging word can make it better.  But they sure do try, and I know they won’t give up, either.  I appreciate that of those I call true friends; they fight as much as I do in this war.  They make sure I know I’m not battling alone.

More often than not, I feel alone in the crowd.  But if I’m physically alone, I feel something close to comfort and solace in the solitude – so long as I’m not in the dark.  That’s a whole other story altogether.  I must remember that I am an introvert, and I receive my energy from time alone.  When I can think clearly (which isn’t all that often, it seems) I’m able to slow down and unwind.

Demon Hunter says it well in their song, Deteriorate – “I need a heart that carries on through the pain when the walls start collapsing again.  Give me a soul that never ceases to follow, despite the infection within.” 

Sometimes I just need the time to sit back and just….try….to think.  And praise my God.  There’s nothing more fulfilling for me than to sit alone in silent worship.  I know my suffering and in that, I own my pain.  It creates in me all too often this space of deep emptiness, something I always feel lingering within me.  That doesn’t make me any less close to my beloved Creator.  I don’t know how to explain it, but I do know that God is close to the brokenhearted.  And I can’t explain why I always feel broken, but I know through it all, I am fighting for the peace and strength that surpasses understanding. 

Every day is a new chance to begin.  I stand on that, knowing every day can be something yesterday wasn’t.  It’s glorious that God’s mercies are new every morning, and all of this is more than simply vanity, grasping after the wind.  Praise God, oh my soul.  Rejoice in Him alone, even in your darkness.  For He is greater than this world, this you know.