From Both Sides
In response to my best friend’s recent blog post, I wanted to offer some thoughts from my experience, as well. Consider this a follow-up post from conversation we’ve had over the topic…
There’s this sickening, sinking feeling when you learn someone close to you is suicidal. The thoughts flow through at rapid pace and it’s everything not to be panicked. What do I do? How do I help? Will they recover?
First, remain calm. You can help by directing the person to get immediate help. Assess the situation. Are they at risk of hurting themselves? Do they have a plan? Suicide is no light matter. Sometimes threats are little more than a cry for help. Are you listening? Are you willing to step up and be a voice of encouragement in the darkness, even if it means simply giving the person your attention for a time?
I’ve been on both sides of this situation, which often leads me to feeling hypocritical. How can I possibly encourage someone to stay alive when I can often want to die, myself? Because more than my own thoughts, life is important. Life has purpose. Even when we don’t understand. Even when we’re hurting. And this moment, is only a moment. Moments come, and moments go.
This brings me to my next point: the connection between self-injury and suicide. They are not one in the same. Simply, there are four main distinctions to self-harm that I often make. I’ll list them below with examples.
- Suicidal self-injury – (attempted or completed suicide)
- Self-mutilation – (amputation or castration)
- Non-suicidal self-injury – (cutting or burning)
- Body modification – (tattoos or piercing)
The first three are often the most worried about. The fourth is generally considered socially acceptable as practices of tattooing and piercing are becoming more widely recognized as an art form. The other three are often lumped together, confused, and alarming to those looking in on the outside.
As to suicidal and non-suicidal forms of self-harm, there is much to differentiate the two. In my experience, suicidal is in efforts to die. Non-suicidal is often in efforts to live! Non-suicidal self-injury is a maladaptive means by which to 1.) numb one’s emotional pain or 2.) to feel again. Two opposite ends of the spectrum, but both have been something I have dealt with.
And the scars are something that need to be dealt with. On good days, they’re often hardly noticed. “Yeah okay, that happened, it’s in the past.” On bad days, it’s as though all hell’s broken loose – the shame of “I am bad” mixed with the guilt of “I have done bad” brings with it the temptation of further self-injurious behavior.
Moments come and moments go.
There are reasons for the triggers and the maladaptive behavior. We need to be responsive, yet understanding, of the difficulty in communication. It takes time. It took time for these things to come up and become overwhelming, and it’s going to take effort and time in getting out of those thought processes. Be patient with yourself, regardless of what side you’re on. We’re in this to do life together. Give it time for wounds to heal. Scars can be the reminding of that healing.
I’m grateful for the conversations that have occurred in the last several years between my best friends and I. Truly they are part of the reason behind why I continue to live. Their encouragement helps me fight that darkness. They remind me of the love of God, as well as keeping me grounded when I feel all is lost. As they have done for me, I work to also do for them. We keep the conversation going in the difficult topics. That’s important. Keep talking. Keep talking even when it hurts. Because keeping that hurt hidden will only expound itself. And you are worth more than that, regardless of what side you’re on. Keep safe, and remember there is hope.
If you are struggling tonight, reach out. Perhaps this could be a starting point.
Grace and peace to you,
Kady
Of Muddy Paws On The Concrete Road 
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